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2020 Vision; My Goals For Next Year

Cover Photo: Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash

Oh. My. Goodness.

How fast has 2019 just been?  I swear it was only just like March and I just came back from my holiday in Melbourne.  I think we can all agree that a lot of us told 2019 to come at us - and boy, didn't it just?  I'm going to be completely honest and say I started 2019, pretty shittily.   I had the worst 2018 Christmas (in fact, I didn't even see more than 10 minutes that day as I was so sick.)  I was still terribly unwell NYE and had a super long flight back from Darwin to Hobart the following day (word of advice, don't fly whilst you're sick. It's a) not fun and b) totally not fair on other passengers. (Looking at you old guy who got me sick on the initial plane ride.)

 

I'll do up another post about my 2019 in review, because it really was a year of ups and downs, and I wanted this to be a bit more of an inspiration post rather than a #woeisme  sort of things.   I'm honestly totally one for new years resolutions, I hardly ever stick to them, but, I watched this cool little video on skillshare the other day and the premise was around "side quests" and how to get to your next goal.  Now, the actual video itself I'd highly recommend watching - but one particular part mentions that you should write down your goals on a tiny piece of paper and keep it with you, and you'd eventually sort of manifest it into coming true.  I've done this with a list before a couple of years back, and actually managed to tick off about 75% of the things I'd set out - so y'know what guys, fuck it.  Let's set a goal of 20 things for 2020 that we can see me try to achieve over the year.

PERSONAL GOALS

  1. Clear all outstanding debt
  2. Create a community for millennials to be able to connect together
  3. Get my first tattoo
  4. Save $9000 by November
  5. Try to de-clutter my room & storage unit
  6. Read (or re-read)  20 books and write reviews about them
  7. Focus on minimizing waste footprint

 

HEALTH & VANITY GOALS

  1.  Hit a personal best for weight loss - (hit 70kgs)  - then fine tune down to appx 60kg
  2.  Gym/Exercise 3 times a week
  3.  Do the splits
  4.  Try seven new sports
  5.  Fit into a size 8 by November for my friends wedding ♥
  6.  Be able to dead lift 100kg
  7.  Commit to 4 months of PT sessions
  8.  Grow my hair another few inches and wear it down more often
  9.  Set up four different photo shoots of progress goals (one for each season)

 

PHOTOGRAPHY & BLOG GOALS

  1. Continue my 365 day photo project
  2. Launch my re-branded photography line & Continue new creativity content monthly
  3. Collaborate with both national and international brands for content & guest post
  4. Earn 2k a month from blogging
  5. Learn how to film & edit video - and create YouTube content
  6. Post at least twice a week & schedule in advance
  7. Earn half of my savings from the first point in the list through photography gigs
  8. Somehow keep said savings and upgrade my camera to a 5D mk iv (or v as that should be out soon)
  9. Each month focus on a new area of photography or editing I haven't before (tilt shift, film, landscapes etc)
  10. Do a "Hello Stranger" project and photograph 100 random people
  11. Complete the "Vanity Project"   of self reflection
  12. Grow twitter following to over 2k, same with instagram

 

TRAVEL & SOCIAL GOALS

  1.  Plan/Organise a six to twelve month international trip
  2.  Learn how to speak a second language
  3.  Gain employment for a job overseas for a period of time
  4.  Stay in a hostel
  5.  Go out with someone new, in either my home town or internationally
  6.  Show someone around Hobart as a tour guide
  7.  Make new pen pals overseas
  8.  Try to get out once a month to a social night
  9.  Find new places in Tasmania to blog about
  10.  Go on road trips with Wally once a month, and see if I can find some friends to come along

I'm totally sure there's meant to be more that I'm aiming for - but I think this seems like a pretty good list for now.  What are you looking forward to trying to achieve for 2020?  Let me know in the comments below <3

What happens with Christmas doesn’t feel special to you anymore?

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Do you remember when you were a little kid, and you'd try to stay up late to see if you could see Santa, but fail miserably and in the morning the cookies would be eaten, the carrots you left out were nibbled on and your stocking was filled with Santa gifts?  Hopefully you do, those were the good ol' days.  Christmas was absolutely magical.  I loved counting down the days, getting the advent calendar out, decorating the tree.

 

When I got a bit older, (like circa my early 20's) - I hit a bit of a road bump. I was in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend at the time. My home relationship was non-existent.  I didn't really celebrate Christmas for a number of years (that I can remember. Joys of depression and forced memory loss.)   I was happy to work my retail and hospitality job because, why not, right?

 

But over the last few years I've tried to make a bit more of a conscious effort.  I figured - why should Christmas lights and presents only be restricted to those with little kids and big families?  So I bought this pretty cool Kmart tree, bought some fairy lights and a few decorations and put it up in my room.

 

 

 

 

Fast forward to today.
It's Christmas.

And I just feel, defeated.

I didn't think, even with everything that has happened over the past few years, that I'd ever sit in the statistic that looks at the numbers that are shared on social media for those doing it tough over Christmas.   Realistically, I feel terrible for feeling so.  There's really nothing stopping me from not having a great Christmas, but it's just the fact that it's been such an overwhelming year.  I feel lonely that I don't have the people that I would normally expect to be here celebrating with me.

My Dad, bless his heart, gifted me some tickets to a cricket game coming up in a few weeks which I asked for, but added an extra ticket along so I could bring a friend.   I had to withhold myself from breaking down is saying I realistically didn't have anyone else to come with me. Again, weighing up the idea that people I want to be with, have chosen not to be there.

I think that might actually be the worst part, when you're trying so hard to have a life and reach out to people who you think should be in your support network, and not have those people live up to the expectations in your head.

 

Today just feels like another day.
Another, rather long, and stressful day.

I'm grateful for the things I've received, but I'll be more grateful to put this holiday season behind me.

 

Merry Christmas.

 

 

 

The Set Backs: December Entry

See, there's this thing that happens when you battle anxiety of depression.  If you're lucky,  you get better, and you go through days, weeks, months, and if you're amazingly lucky - years without relapsing back into that space.

 

I can't speak for everyone who has battled for mental health issues, nor could I ever expect to.  But for me personally, knowing what I've been through, the hardest thing to have happen - is when you relapse.  When you know that you've fought so fucking hard to get out of whatever hole you got into, that you spoke to your therapist and put all the action plans in place, you've been working on your health, you've done everything right and then BANG.  You've reverted back into this slump that can quickly spiral out of control.

 

The word draining gets thrown around a bit - and it is.  It's draining to have to have an ongoing battle with the voice in your head that tells you that you're trash. That what you're doing is not enough, and you're a failure. It's draining to battle with that voice and it's so, so loud, that you get to the point of pure frustration and desperation to just shut it up for a few moments.

It's hard when you try and explain to someone, that you're aware that your thoughts are irrational, and you're fully aware that most of the time they make no sense, and it's equally as hard to try and justify that whilst you're aware of this - that at this exact moment,  that's it's very real to you, and you are struggling.

 

ian-espinosa-rX12B5uX7QM-unsplash

Photo by Ian Espinosa on Unsplash

I'm not a person to shy away from speaking up to say I'm struggling. I am.  I am not in a great headspace.  I haven't slept properly for a week - I have continual nightmares. I saw a girl today, probably the same age as me, in hysterics at the bottom of the pathway of the Tasman Bridge, and as I called 000 to hopefully prevent something absolutely unimaginable from happening - it struck me that it wasn't unimaginable.  I have known the feeling of wanting to be free of pain. Free from voices. Free from debt and the overwhelming amount of pressure on the world.

She's been on my mind all day, and that I hope she's okay, and it was just a bad day and she knows it gets better, because eventually it does.  It might not seem it; there have been a lot of nights where I've refused to believe this statement myself, but it turns around.

 

It does.

Sunshine Blogger Nomination!

I was very humbled to be nominated for the Sunshine Blogger award – a community driven positivity aware through the blog community. Find out more here!