What. A. Year.

She said, on the fifth day of the fourth month, with another eight months still of 2020 to go.

Guys, what is even happening with this year? The last time I checked I was going into 2020 with the biggest aspirations and hopes that this was gonna be my year to totally kick butt, and get into shape and do some major game play. I didn't exactly think I signed up for narrowly missing quarantine twice, coming into the hard and fast reality that I won't be seeing my partner again for at least the next six months and that I'm unemployed again for the second time in six months?

I don't know about every one else but the shut down period is impacting me in ways I didn't think it would. The isolation part of it, realistically, I don't think is doing much. I've had some amazing friends reach out (I'm sorry I haven't replied, I will soon!!) which has been a saving grace, but before this all happened I wasn't exactly Captain Social. It's been the little conversations that I've found I've missed. Y'know the ones when you're at the supermarket at the cash register, or small talk with someone at a cafe, those types of encounters.

I'm hella drained, just FYI.

My creativity/photography vibe has also taken a massive hit. Before I left for Bali, I had a number of sessions that still needed to be edited, but with how sick I was coming back, and just how drained that I've felt - I just haven't had the energy to look at them. That's the other thing I too I guess, trying to find a way to make sure that you're making time for the things that make you feel normal. I honestly don't feel normal. I'm in a massive rut. I feel sad, and angry and agitated. I'm concerned on trying to get my sister back into our home state before the laws change (again) and we have to look at jumping through more hoops to get her here.  My sleep patterns have gone out the window, and it turns out my sense of scheduling normality isn't so great.

So it comes down to what to do about it. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I haven't tried sleeping earlier. It's not like I haven't tried waking up earlier. It seems like I'm just going to have to accept that sleep right now, where I have no actual commitments is just going to have to be as it is.  Last night for instance I went to sleep at 3am (like the real 3am and not the fake first one that hit when day light savings finished) and I was awake again due to my allergies  (I think?)  and haven't been back to bed since.

As for my photography - I've started to try to take a couple of photos a day, trying out some of those YouTube and Instagram "Hacks" and will most likely do a post up in the next week about the outcome. (And I've added in some Wally photos for down below, just in case you've missed his cute face + a few "homely" shots from this week.)

I've tried to find different creative outlets to channel and you know what, they might not work but it's something at least.

 

But,  as usual, it's okay to not be okay.

So I'm going to go make a cup of tea, and take a big deep breath.

If for nothing else, I know that that's one thing I can accomplish with certainty.

Clairesupersmall
If you're struggling at the moment, there is help available.
Please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14
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